Friday, October 21, 2005

Sleep Workshop - Week 2

After last night's workshop and a night to think things over, I've made a few notes to ... to ... I don't know - not summarize the topics we discussed, but more to say how I feel about being there.

What I realised last night was that the three other people in this workshop all seem to be much more at ease speaking about their problems and not at all bothered by how much time they're taking with talking about their problems. Why am I not talking more? I know I'm trying to present the problems I have in a concise and factual manner, without being whiny about it. And while I am fast to commit to a goal for the next week, the others don't seem to want to commit to a concrete objective. It sometimes sounds like they want results but aren't willing to make the effort. Are the goals I'm setting too easy for me? Is that why I feel the others aren't really working hard enough? Am I imposing my own perfectionist ideals on others? Is this another sign of my perfectionist attitude creeping out? I do realise that everyone deals with problems differently and probably, these people are working their problems out by talking them through and that for them it's the first step. Not everyone is goal oriented like me, not everyone is perfect (like me - ha, ha!) and everyone will handle the healing process differently. I have got to stop judging people because they don't do things the way I do.

Then, towards the end of the workshop, we briefly touched on the questionnaires we were asked to fill out the previous week. Two of these questionnaires have raised some concerns with me. First - I scored higher than I expected on the depression questionnaire. The therapist told us that if we scored higher than 3 or 4, we should probably talk to him or speak to our doctor. Second - I scored quite high (but not more than expected) on the anxiety questionnaire. Again the therapist said if we had a high score here it would be a good idea to speak to our doctor. I don't know what the other people scored (and I shouldn't even care). I wanted to speak to the therapist to discuss the responses to both of these questionnaires, but was too why to speak up in front of the others, mostly because I thought that they would think I'm a big whiner. I tried to delay leaving the workshop so that I could talk privately with the therapist, even though it meant missing my bus home, but before I could get a word in to the therapist, one of the other participants offered me a lift home, and so, grateful that I wouldn't have the 20-minute walk down the hill in my heels again, I accepted and left without speaking to the therapist at all. Now of course, I've spent a good part of the night sleeping even less than usual, worrying about this.

7 comments:

Angry Gnome said...
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Poop (Sarah) said...

"I have got to stop judging people because they don't do things the way I do".
big call.

nickt said...

One of the hardest parts of group therapy has to be laying out your weaknesses to complete strangers.

Just take that leap of faith that when you share your concern that they'll understand where you're coming from and what you're dealing with.

Angry Gnome said...
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Darcy's Mama said...

I'm still curious about the incident in the hallway???

Why said...

Yeah, what's THAT all about???

Why said...

Perhaps the fact that you're a perfectionist stops you from being able to share your weaknesses with people (NOT only strangers). Or accepting the fact that you have a sleep disorder - perfect people aren't allowed to have disorders, are they? Or maybe, being a self-called perfectionist, you frown upon on those lesser mortals that have problems. As I'm currently in therapy, I feel entitled to give you this tip: GET TALKING! It's the most freeing thing.